My "Inner Fat Girl" is a whiny baby.

There's a popular thread going on Sparkpeople.com about how one goes about shutting up or getting rid of one's "inner fat girl."  She's the voice inside that tells you you'll always be fat, it's fine to eat when you know you shouldn't, you won't look good in that new smaller-sized dress, etc. 

I managed to pretty much silence my Inner Fat Girl when I started losing weight back in 2009.  I don't really hear that voice in my head these days.  But I've discovered I have a different negative voice now.

Running Tuesday was postponed this week until Wednesday.  I like doing it on Tuesday because we only do cardio on Tuesdays, so I can run on fresh, rested legs.  On Wednesdays we do our strength workout, so there's less left in me for cardio after.  Still, I didn't want to skip it altogether, so after a good workout on the TRX Suspension Trainer at the gym (our new favorite piece of equipment!) complete with cardio bursts inbetween sets and some squats and dead lifts at the end, I took on the treadmill.

Spoiler:  I made it through.  Ran the whole 2 miles again.  But it wasn't easy to keep going.  After last week's Running Tuesday disaster I went in prepared to struggle through this one, and I was barely into the second interval when I started to consider cutting it short again.  It just felt really hard somehow.

But I caught myself before my fingers hit the speed controls on the keypad.  Were my legs hurting?  No.  Was I lightheaded or weak or nauseous?  No.  Was I having a hard time getting my breath?  No.  Did my heart rate feel too high?  No.  Were there any indications that I was pushing myself so hard that I might end up injuring myself?  No.  Did it feel like any part of my body was about to give out?  Nope.  I was simply having to push myself a tiny bit harder than usual to keep going, probably on account of the strength training leaving me with a bit less energy.  So why the fuck was I about to stop?

Because I don't have an Inner Fat Girl as much as I have an Inner Whiny Lazy Bitch.  She knows I don't have to keep running to lose weight.  She knows it's way more comfortable to walk than it is to run.  She doesn't want to push any harder than she has to.  She's the procrastinator who tells me that five months is a plenty of time to prepare and not running the whole distance that one time isn't that big of a deal.  She's the one who says it's okay to take an extra rest day because it's kind of late and I should have left for the gym an hour ago and now that I'm home and comfortable I might as well just stay there.

Somehow, I'll figure out how to shut her up, too.